Daily jokes
layedoutb2k (chase)
+1y
>>
>> A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big
>> "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
>>
>> The Manager says, "Do you have any experience ?
>> The kid says "Yah. I vass a salesman beck in Norda Dakota."
>>
>> Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job.
>>
>> His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the
>> store was locked up, the boss came down.
>>
>> "How many customers bought something from you today?
>>
>> The kid says "one".
>>
>> The boss says "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a
>> day. How much was the sale for?"
>>
>> The kid says "$121,237.65".
>>
>> The boss say s "$121,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"
>>
>> The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a
>> medium fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him
>> where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he
>> was going to need a boat, and we went down to the boat department and I
>> sold him a twin engine Boston Whaler. Then he said he didn't think his
>> Honda would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and
>> sold him that 4 x 4 Expedition."
>>
>> The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a
>> BOAT and a TRUCK?"
>>
>> The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and
>> I said, "Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing"
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> A young guy from North Dakota moves to Florida and goes to a big
>> "everything under one roof" department store looking for a job.
>>
>> The Manager says, "Do you have any experience ?
>> The kid says "Yah. I vass a salesman beck in Norda Dakota."
>>
>> Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job.
>>
>> His first day on the job was rough, but he got through it. After the
>> store was locked up, the boss came down.
>>
>> "How many customers bought something from you today?
>>
>> The kid says "one".
>>
>> The boss says "Just one? Our sales people average 20 to 30 customers a
>> day. How much was the sale for?"
>>
>> The kid says "$121,237.65".
>>
>> The boss say s "$121,237.65? What the heck did you sell?"
>>
>> The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a
>> medium fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him
>> where he was going fishing and he said down the coast, so I told him he
>> was going to need a boat, and we went down to the boat department and I
>> sold him a twin engine Boston Whaler. Then he said he didn't think his
>> Honda would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and
>> sold him that 4 x 4 Expedition."
>>
>> The boss said "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a
>> BOAT and a TRUCK?"
>>
>> The kid said "No, the guy came in here to buy tampons for his wife, and
>> I said, "Dude, your weekend's shot, you should go fishing"
>>
>>
>>
>>
layedoutb2k (chase)
+1y
MARIJUANA FILLED FIREWOOD"
>
> "Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?"
>
> "Yes. What can I do for you?"
>
> "I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith....He's hidin'
> marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside
> them logs, but he's hidin' it there."
>
> "Thank you very much for the call, sir."
>
> The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They
> search the shed where the firewood is kept .
> Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
> They sneer at Virgil and leave.
>
> Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house.
>
> "Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd....Did the Sheriff come?"
>
> "Yeah!"
>
> "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yep!"
>
> "Happy Birthday, buddy!"
>
> (Rednecks know how to get-R-dun)
>
> "Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?"
>
> "Yes. What can I do for you?"
>
> "I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil Smith....He's hidin'
> marijuana inside his firewood! Don't quite know how he gets it inside
> them logs, but he's hidin' it there."
>
> "Thank you very much for the call, sir."
>
> The next day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house. They
> search the shed where the firewood is kept .
> Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana.
> They sneer at Virgil and leave.
>
> Shortly, the phone rings at Virgil's house.
>
> "Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd....Did the Sheriff come?"
>
> "Yeah!"
>
> "Did they chop your firewood?" "Yep!"
>
> "Happy Birthday, buddy!"
>
> (Rednecks know how to get-R-dun)
layedoutb2k (chase)
+1y
a man was driving through Nevada on a business trip. he decided to stop into a "bunny" ranch. he looks around at all the skinny and hot girls in there. he then goes up to someone that works there. he said "i want to have sex with the fattest and ugliest girl you have here". she responded "dont you want to have sex with a hot and skinny chick". he said "no, im not horny, im homesick"
mazdamn
+1y
Defense Attorney:
Will you please state your age?
Little Old Lady:
I am 86 years old.
Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Little Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?
Little Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?
Little Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?
Little Old Lady:
No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little Old Lady:
He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?
Little Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling so 'spicy' that I just Laid down and told him 'Take me, young man. Take me now!'
Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?
Little Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, 'April Fool!' And that's when I shot him, the little bastard.
Will you please state your age?
Little Old Lady:
I am 86 years old.
Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Little Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?
Little Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?
Little Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?
Little Old Lady:
No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Albert died some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little Old Lady:
He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?
Little Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling so 'spicy' that I just Laid down and told him 'Take me, young man. Take me now!'
Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?
Little Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, 'April Fool!' And that's when I shot him, the little bastard.
crazymikey
+1y
lmao. those are good
layedoutb2k (chase)
+1y
A man comes home and shouts, "pack your bags hun, i just won the lottery" she says "what should i pack?" "who cares bitch, get the fuck out."
speedster93b
+1y
lol