I am in need of my forum brothers and sisters

Hey bro, keep your head up man. My wife and I have been together for 10 years and I will admit that about 90 percent of our arguements have been over money. When we got together niether one of us had money. We both came from poor families and we didn't really have much. But for some reason we always argue about money. My advice would be keep your head up, it can only get better. Take it day by day and get your life straight first. I know right now with the economy being all jacked up that it may be hard to find a good job but try to get you a career started and worry about you first. When the right girl comes along you will know it, because she won't be worried about your bank account, she will be focused on you. Remember you always have options. You could join the military, and get a guaranteed paycheck and a job skill. I went into the Marine Corps in 99 and got my head right. Got out in 04 with a job skill, now I am in Afghanistan working as a civilian for the army. I am trying to get my finances right for my kids future. So remember you have options bro. Just keep your head straight and figure out what it is that would make YOU happy first. Take it easy man.

Awww Jim im so sorry to hear about what's going on. I knew something must have been up cause we hadnt heard from you. I could give you all the advice in the world, but I know none of it will make the hurt go away. Only time or her coming to her senses will do that. Money is always such a big issue in relationships. Whether you have it or not, it will always be faught about. I know times are hard right now, but it sounds like you have doors and oppurtunities that are opening up to you. Take a hold of them and take care of you right now. Put yourself first and allow yourself time to heal. If she's meant to be the one you travel through life with, she'll come around. If not, then let her go. I know easier said than done. Its like shilaeli said it really isnt about how much money you do or dont have. Its all about how you treat each other, respect each other, through good times and bad. Take care of yourself and keep in touch when you can! Your in my thoughts!

Sorry to hear about the troubles.Ms.Hoc and I have been married 48 years and I can tell u it hasnt been easy.When we first got married we had 0,nuttin,nada,zip,zilch,etc.I was 3 months away from graduating college,and then we spent the next 8 years working for Uncle Sam with me being gone most of the time.Big strain on a young couple.But u just bow up and persevere --or u dont.We have had no money,a little money,some money and finally after me working for 40 years enough money.Anybody says money dont count in a relationship is full of it.It does count,BUT IT ISNT HOW U KEEP SCORE.U keep score by the times u say "I love u,I care for u,how can I help u, and finally the hardest thing for a man to say to a woman -- "im sorry". another little tip.U got 2 ears and one mouth--somebody was smart cause u should listen twice as much as u talk--especially for the things ur partner DOESNT say.If she aint sayin the things I wrote in the sentence above,U better be findin out why not- ur in trouble.she wants time to herself???? H-m-m-m before she met u I assume she was by herself-that wasnt enough???? I would offer to meet her somewhere -neutral ground--and just have a talk.Ask her those 4 scorekeeping items above and see how she responds.If u get a lot of "I dont know how I feel " or such stuff as that,I suspect that u need to move on down the road.The damage is already done.Hope this helps and we r here for u.BJ (The Love Doctor-----NOT).Lol.

man that sucks dude. ive read what these guys have said and they all have great points. the only thing i can add in is this. as long as you put yourself out there and tell you miss her and beg her to come back it only buys her more time. you are gonna have to seperate yourself from her to make her miss you. if you are always there and always talking to her or keeping in contact with her, she always knows that she can come back to you and she always knows what you are doing. you have got to make her wonder what you are doing, how you are doing, and who you are doing it with. you have to almost scare her to think her window of opportunity is closing. its up to her whether or not she wants to jump through it before it closes. and if she doesnt come back, atleast you have been up and out getting your life back together so that you can move on to. focus on yourself and that should help keeping it off of her. stay busy, active, and on the go somehow. whether its tying yourself up in finding a new job, working at a new job, or whatever. just dont sit there and moap and think of her. thats the easiest thing to do. we have all been there man. itll take time.

Good point Mikey. I have tried it both ways and the movin' on way is always the best choice. You will be happier and she will remember the good times...or maybe not. If she doesn't come around it is her loss and you will be happier in the long run. Good luck buddy. The b-scene is here for ya.

Sorry to hear your problems bro. It happens. Don't get your value in life in another human being. You are valued no matter what. Life isn't over just cuz you and your girl broke things off. You got family you can stay with? Or who will help you out? I hope so. I know I'd have been in a ditch somewhere in my past if it weren't for my family...and the wife's. Everyone's had some good advice for you. Heed to what you can of it. We are all thinking of you man. And we all hope things improve for you.

I've been married 14 years, and it has been a battle from day one. However, I wouldn't trade it for anything! We've had few fights over money, tbh. It was over some much larger and a few smaller things lol. But in the end we are 100% committed to one another and would not break our marriage covenant. Sure she wants me to spend more money on the home than I want to spend on the truck. So I do it! And then I slide a little to the truck here and there But if I had to give it up for her, it'd be gone!...then I'd find me another toy lol.

Will pray for you bro.

Some tips for others.

1. Don't move in together until the relationship is firm, (I would say not till it's as firm as a contract...marriage contract that is lol).
2. Be able to support your self before trying to support 2 people.
3. Find your value in something greater than your self, (for me it is Christ).
4. Do your best to show the one you love that they are first when it comes to your money and time. Trucks rust, equipment goes bad, love is forever.
5. Listen to those who have been there before. Hoc has, he's been through 48 years, (congrats man!), so trust he knows something about a lasting marriage.
6. Marriage is a COMMITMENT for life! Don't go into it thinking, "I can get out if I want". Both parties have to submit to that commitment.
7. Don't allow your spouse to spend too much time away from you in mixed company. You never know what some other person on the prowl can be saying to them to get their trust, and ultimately get them away from you.
8. Work diligently. Keep a steady job, no EXCUSES! People get laid off, sure, and in that case bust your butt trying to find ANY job to make ends meet. Forget about looking for that "perfect $100k" job, and just get A job while you're looking looking for the perfect one on the side. When you land the perfect job, realize you still need a plan "just in case".
9. Serve one another! Give of your self to her, and her to you. Marriage is honestly a life of service to one another. You are to try and put the other person before your self in all things. Is this easy? Heck no! And no one's perfect at it, but it's the attempts that make the difference.

****Feel free to ignore this next one if you don't want "religious" talk.







10. Sorry, yes it's "religious", but I can't give marital advice without it. Put God first in all you do! Help your spouse to do the same. The more you love God with all your heart, and the more you realize that your marriage is a covenant between you both and Him, then the more important the keeping of that marriage becomes.