JOKE JOKE JOKE
toddluck
+1y
A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his
toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, “Grandma,
how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?'
Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom
and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the
comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.'
Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the
knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside
of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and
there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, 'Hello son is your Grandma home?'
The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend.'
The minister fainted.
toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, “Grandma,
how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?'
Grandma replied, 'Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom
and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the
comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend.'
Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the
knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside
of the TV hoping to fix the problem.
The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and
there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, 'Hello son is your Grandma home?'
The little boy replied, 'Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend.'
The minister fainted.
toddluck
+1y
It seems that a young couple had just gotten married
and spent their first wedding night with the young man's
parents. In the morning, his mother got up and prepared
a lovely breakfast including freshly cut flowers from
her garden and gourmet food.
She went to the bottom the stairs and called everyone
to come down to breakfast. Everyone came down, except
the newlyweds. After a long wait, the family ate without
them.
The mother said, "I wonder why they never came down
to eat?"
The groom's young brother said, "Mommy, I think..."
"Oh, shut up. I don't want to hear what you think!"
said the mother, not wanting to hear any inappropriate
comments from the eight-year-old.
At lunch time, the mother again prepared a wonderful
spread and again called the young couple to eat. Five
minutes went by and she called again. After another
long wait, the family proceeded to eat.
As she was cleaning the table, mother once again said,
"I wonder why they never came down to eat? Once again,
the younger brother started to speak, but mother immediately
shut him up.
At dinner the same thing happened. After the meal,
mother once again questioned why they had not come down
to eat all day. The young lad once again said, "Mommy
I think..."
"Well, what is it that you think?" asked the mother
rather testily.
"I think that when my big brother came down to get the
Vaseline last night, he got my model airplane glue instead!"
and spent their first wedding night with the young man's
parents. In the morning, his mother got up and prepared
a lovely breakfast including freshly cut flowers from
her garden and gourmet food.
She went to the bottom the stairs and called everyone
to come down to breakfast. Everyone came down, except
the newlyweds. After a long wait, the family ate without
them.
The mother said, "I wonder why they never came down
to eat?"
The groom's young brother said, "Mommy, I think..."
"Oh, shut up. I don't want to hear what you think!"
said the mother, not wanting to hear any inappropriate
comments from the eight-year-old.
At lunch time, the mother again prepared a wonderful
spread and again called the young couple to eat. Five
minutes went by and she called again. After another
long wait, the family proceeded to eat.
As she was cleaning the table, mother once again said,
"I wonder why they never came down to eat? Once again,
the younger brother started to speak, but mother immediately
shut him up.
At dinner the same thing happened. After the meal,
mother once again questioned why they had not come down
to eat all day. The young lad once again said, "Mommy
I think..."
"Well, what is it that you think?" asked the mother
rather testily.
"I think that when my big brother came down to get the
Vaseline last night, he got my model airplane glue instead!"
toddluck
+1y
On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
The kid replies, "Yeah."
The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."
The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.
The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."
The kid continued, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."
The kid replies, "Yeah."
The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike."
The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20.00 bicycle safety violation ticket.
The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?"
Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did."
The kid continued, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."
toddluck
+1y
A pretty teacher was concerned with one of her students.
Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"
"I'm in love," the boy replied.
Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"
"With YOU!" he said.
"But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."
"Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a rubber!"
Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"
"I'm in love," the boy replied.
Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"
"With YOU!" he said.
"But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."
"Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a rubber!"
toddluck
+1y
A pretty teacher was concerned with one of her students.
Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"
"I'm in love," the boy replied.
Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"
"With YOU!" he said.
"But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."
"Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a rubber!"
Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"
"I'm in love," the boy replied.
Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"
"With YOU!" he said.
"But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."
"Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a rubber!"
effdbmx1
+1y
haha funny shit.
"i think he got my model airplane glue instead"
"i think he got my model airplane glue instead"
dropped90(justin)
+1y
lol the cop one made me laugh my ass off. thats funny shit.
-justin
-justin