Looking for advice, or ......

So, am I really a cold heartless human being because I hope and prey my Dad would just die? I suppose I should give you the rest of the story before you say yes…..

Twenty one years ago my dad was diagnosed with brain cancer. They removed the tumor and gave him radiation treatment (best option they had in 1986). He had 11 good years with the family before the side effects started. Kinda like Alzheimer’s but he also began to loose control of his voluntary muscles. He has not walked in the last 5 years. He has been in diapers for the last 4. He has had a feeding tube for over 3 years. And I really don’t think he has been able to say something recognizable for over a year. As a family, we help mom get him out of bed in the morning and get him back into bed at nite. Basically if you were to meet my dad a week ago, you would think he is in a coma of sorts.

Since last Tuesday, he has been in the hospital with pneumonia, a strep infection of the blood and a urinary tract infection. Thursday the family decided that a Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) order be added to his chart (yes, he is very sick and struggling for every breath since Tuesday nite).

Now it seems the antibiotics are helping and he might be getting better. My brother and I question – better for what. His quality of life sucks and the constant care my mom has to give is probably gonna put her in the ground years before her time.

So, am I really a heartless human being? Or a loving son….

Man several years back my grandpa had cancer...Terminal cancer. Before he got bad he said do not resuscitate or add morphine or anything. He knew that the fight was not worth it. He knew he would be free of pain and in a much better place if the disease would just take its course. Well about a month later he was in the hospital pretty much in the state of your dad, and the doctors decided that they were going to give him morphine (shotty hospital). Well about 3 min before they went in to give it to him he gave his last middle finger and passed. It was a relieve to see him away from the pain. He had a peaceful look on his face instead of the struggled look. I know long story...but I believe you are not cold hearted you are simply loving and believe that he will be better off moving on to the afterlife/heaven/living with 40 virgins (not sure of your religion or beliefs).The thing to pray for is not life but peace. Good luck bro I wish you and your family the best.

i see you as a loving son.





-justin

You are not a cold heartless human being. To be quite honest, it sounds like he hasn't had any quality of life for some time.

I lost my Dad to liver cancer in '05 and I miss him every day just because I can't tell him about something good that happened or he's missing out on my kids growing up, but I feel better knowing he's in a much better place than being subject to the suffering.

I, like jmz have no idea what your religious beliefs are, nor would I judge you if you had none, but just know that when he does go, his suffering is over. Yes it will be painful, but you will go on. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers brother. God bless!

You are in no way heartless you have been there for your father. I have never been in your situation, my father is 75 years old and he told me if I was something like this was to come up to do what I thought would better him and our family if there was no way to get him back to his healthy state. I myself in no way would judge you or label you as a bad son, I would look at you as a loving part of your family. Best wishes to you and your family.

he sounds like one tough SOB... but no you are having normal feelings, i think alot of us would be right there with you in the situation. His life was over years ago, his soul just hasnt let go yet.

T

^^^ I was thinking the same thing just couldn't put it to words.

^^^ I was thinking the same thing just couldn't put it to words.

Your father is an approprate candidate for hospice care and dont let anyone tell you he is not.Hospice can provide respite care for your mom and care for your dad in the hospital,home or a nursing facility.You and your family do not have to struggle with this issue.Pick up a phone and call your nearest hospice program and take some of the burden off you and your family.You are not a bad son,just a guy who is struggling with end-of life issues as we all do.take care man,and PM me if u need anything,I will be here.BJ

Thankyou all for the kind words and support. It really helps alot!