And then there was Vin Diesel
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And then there was Vin Diesel
boooghar
+1y
There is no "I" in team. There are two "I"s in Vin Diesel. Fuck you, team.
When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Vin Diesel!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.
Vin Diesel coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.
Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.
Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.
Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.
Vin Diesel doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his penis in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while fucking another.
Vin Diesel played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.
If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Vin replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.
On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
When Vin Diesel does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Goliath threw the match against David when he heard the winner had to face Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel inspired the TV series "MacGyver" when he managed to construct a cell phone out of only the blood of his enemies' children, his pure hatred for the weak, and a cell phone.
Vin Diesel's favorite cereal is Cheerios with milk, and by Cheerios I mean diamonds and by milk I mean boiling gold.
There is intelligent life in the universe, but they have not contacted Earth because they are avoiding Vin Diesel. They owe him $5.
On a recent expedition, a lost book of the Bible was discovered. The lost "11th plague of Egypt" was when Vin Diesel repeatedly kicked Ramses in the balls.
Vin once went sledding in New Hampshire and broke the sound barrier by turning his head around and blowing forcefully. As a result of the shock waves, several children died. Vin ascended to heaven and repeatedly punched God in the eye until he brought them all back to life. Every single one of those children are now scientists.
In the unlikely event of his death Vin Diesel can perform his own autopsy.
Vin Diesel can win the Indianapolis 500 in four laps.
Vin Diesel chain smokes tampons.
Vin Diesel patented the US Patent Office and receives a 2% royalty on all patents.
Vin Diesel kicked the original Gerber baby in the face because he gave him "a look."
1 out of every 5 miles in the Eisenhower Interstate Highway system is required to be straight because Vin Diesel gets tired of turning so much.
Moby Dick is based on the event in 1527 when Vin defeated an entire pygmy army from Kerguelen Island, when they attacked his private island in the Indian Ocean. Vin was able to defeat this army with only a bamboo stick and an abacus.
Vin Diesel was the inspiration behind Apple's logo after actually biting Steve Job's arm off while, at the same time, peeling a Macintosh apple.
Rosa Parks got up for Vin Diesel.
When Vin Diesel goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Vin Diesel!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Vin Diesel could use to kill you, including the room itself.
Vin Diesel once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Vin Diesel allows to live.
Vin Diesel coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.
Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Crop circles are Vin's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.
Vin Diesel once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.
Vin Diesel can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Vin Diesel is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.
Vin Diesel doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his penis in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while fucking another.
Vin Diesel played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.
If you were to lock Vin Diesel in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this Vin replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.
On his birthday, Vin Diesel randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
When Vin Diesel does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
Goliath threw the match against David when he heard the winner had to face Vin Diesel.
Vin Diesel inspired the TV series "MacGyver" when he managed to construct a cell phone out of only the blood of his enemies' children, his pure hatred for the weak, and a cell phone.
Vin Diesel's favorite cereal is Cheerios with milk, and by Cheerios I mean diamonds and by milk I mean boiling gold.
There is intelligent life in the universe, but they have not contacted Earth because they are avoiding Vin Diesel. They owe him $5.
On a recent expedition, a lost book of the Bible was discovered. The lost "11th plague of Egypt" was when Vin Diesel repeatedly kicked Ramses in the balls.
Vin once went sledding in New Hampshire and broke the sound barrier by turning his head around and blowing forcefully. As a result of the shock waves, several children died. Vin ascended to heaven and repeatedly punched God in the eye until he brought them all back to life. Every single one of those children are now scientists.
In the unlikely event of his death Vin Diesel can perform his own autopsy.
Vin Diesel can win the Indianapolis 500 in four laps.
Vin Diesel chain smokes tampons.
Vin Diesel patented the US Patent Office and receives a 2% royalty on all patents.
Vin Diesel kicked the original Gerber baby in the face because he gave him "a look."
1 out of every 5 miles in the Eisenhower Interstate Highway system is required to be straight because Vin Diesel gets tired of turning so much.
Moby Dick is based on the event in 1527 when Vin defeated an entire pygmy army from Kerguelen Island, when they attacked his private island in the Indian Ocean. Vin was able to defeat this army with only a bamboo stick and an abacus.
Vin Diesel was the inspiration behind Apple's logo after actually biting Steve Job's arm off while, at the same time, peeling a Macintosh apple.
Rosa Parks got up for Vin Diesel.
Douggiefresh
+1y
What is that from?
PleasuresBurban
+1y
This is too damn funny
whynotfab
+1y
chuck norris could kick his ass though..
kdawgS10
+1y
yea I like the chuck norris one better
mr.safety
+1y
no way this one is way funnier i laughed untill i cried
woody
+1y
wow! companies need to put better warning labels on buckets of primer.
bdroppeddak
+1y
as stated above, in a roundhouse kick to the face - off, chuck norris would put vin diesel in his place.
cruisinlowS10
+1y
he looks like a bald headed retarded monkey
mtm
+1y
Rosa Parks got up for Vin Diesel.