"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose
woman."
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Tommy Shaughnessy?"
"Yes, Father, it is."
"And, who was the woman you were with?"
"I can't be tellin' you, Father. I don't want to ruin her
reputation."
"Well, Tommy, I'm sure to find out sooner or later, so you may as
well tell me now. Was it Brenda O'Malley?"
"I cannot say."
"Was it Patricia Kelly?"
"I'll never tell."
"Was it Liz Shannon?"
"I'm sorry, but I can't name her."
"Was it Cathy Morgan?"
"My lips are sealed."
"Was it Fiona McDonald, then?"
"Please, Father, I cannot tell you."
The priest sighs in frustration. "You're a steadfast lad, Tommy
Shaughnessy, and I admire that. But you've sinned, and you must
atone. "You cannot attend church mass for three months. Be off with
you now."
Tommy walks back to his pew. His friend Sean slides over and
whispers, "What'd you get?"
"Three month's vacation and five good leads"
Heres another one that is freakin hilarious!
The couple had been debating the purchase of a new vehicle for weeks.
He wanted a new truck.
She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town.
He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.
"Look !" she said. I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or less. "And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me."
For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.
Services are pending